so, i would be the first to say that

my picture-per-day project

did not work out.

on days that all i do is nothing,

there is nothing to take pictures of.

it just didn't work

but i really wish it did.

on another note,

i decided that my theme this summer is

self powered sunshine.

mm. sounds good.

tuh.

figures it would be five million degrees when im going somewhere unpleasant.

asian college applicating kid stereotype:

piano, chinese school, badminton, library/hospital volunteer.

skippity do da to happy kids.

got my friendship bracelet sent to me by mail, yee.

mark of a funny friendship. (:

pick your battles,

preferably not with me.

i have no eaten my big lemon shaped chocolate lollipop thing.

it's too pretty.

today was another dose of summer.

i cannot believe that just last week i was killing myself over finals.

this is called summer magic, people.

we go into our natural states and enjoy life.

this summer I am recording my day in picture everyday.

i can do it, swear.

i figured it was time to stop and relax.

lets not get too ahead of ourselves here. we are not seniors yet. I am not that excited to start the entire senior thing. i am perfectly content to enjoy my summer without being tied down to the horrors of school.

concerning myself,

i do not feel that conflict is smart therefore i avoid it. but since i only have one more year left at this school, why not spend it with the people i love and adore and instead of tolerate?

so yes, contemplation in moderation.

YES.

am I ready for summer?

yes.

but I dont feel too close with class of 2010 so I'm not exactly dying of sadness. i loved 2009 more.

haha.

I suppose I will feel sad about some people leaving, but its not like I wont ever see them again. the ones I care about most are probably going to visit often.

but i am worrying about my grades this final. i hate finals, its just a way to further slaughter our grades. fuck you physics you can drown in an ocean.

I'll do my half year thing tomorrow. after tomorrow's finals, im finished.

yesyesyes

again with another midnight stream.

so today I took the SATII. It was not fun and I pretty much gave up before the last test. I signed up to do math two, history, and physics. Didn't do physics and told my proctor I was dying and therefore didn't wanna do it. left.

went outside and spent three hours talking to multiples of people.

apparently everyone thought it was hard.

go figure.

throwback today with elementary buddy! unexpected but still nice.

went home and baked.

no really, i went home and started to bake for some strange reason.

i mean it didn't turn out bad, but i made it too sweet.

then out to dinner.

then argument with parents over my physics grade. they need to understand that this was going to happen sooner or later and it just so happens it's happening this year. i was going to hit a roadblack and physics was my roadblock.

understand that I pretty much gave up in that class. dont get me wrong, i hate hate hate giving up, it's a failure in all sense of the word. but there was something about physics, about the weird logic that does not fit with my view of the world, that just irritates me.

i know myself well enough, and im pretty set on my major. i know whatever happens in the future will not have science in it. thank you science teachers but i really dont need to know what a quantum is.

shocking, i know.

but i would like to say that on a scale of one to ten, the morning was a three, noon was a eight point forty seven, evening was a nine point two, and night was a five.

normality.

Dont you love playing pretend? It's the best game in the world.

Today we ran around the block pretending to be airplanes with guns and bombs and then paparazzi kids.

We win.

I'm doing this way more often than I should because really, according to Kaeleigh and I dont really remember where she got it from, teenagers are the age group that needs the most sleep.

well apparently our darling teachers beg to differ and decide to have three projects due on the same friday.

you adults are too wonderful, really.

but then againthis is just my teenage complaining self and obviously i dont know what I'm talking about because i am young and unexperienced and blah blah blah

yeah, i feel like a more subtle, non homophobic, less ugly version of catcher in the rye.

which i would like to say was one of the most ridiculous peices of writing that we've read in english thus far. the guy has way too much time on his hands and though i like the idea of catcer in the rye and what it represents, i just want to choke that style of writing and choke every character in the dang book.

i tried to love it, i really did.

but love cant be forced

(or so they say)

that book is way too modern, it has not proven itself to be a great work of literature. i mean as much as i want to say that generations of people can connect to it, i can also connect with thousands of other people on facebook groups. :/

complaining, moving on.

and well theres this fad going on on facebook where theres all this posting love on other people's statuses. I mean in the beginning it was great and fun and lovelovelove to the idea but then people started using it to dig for complements and filling up walls.

cmon, must you?

not to say that others are not being wonderful people while doing it, but I just feel that there is always going to be little pricks that annoy me in every wonderful situation.

but then if I can acknowledge this, i suppose i can work on my own personality.

I mean i could, but doing so takes so much time.

all that self improvement,

it really depends on motivation and really, i dont see any motivation whatsoever.

being so absorbed in what's around me, i lost all sense of self.

okay, i exaggerated.

I still know what's my favorite color.

but how much time do we really have to explore ourselves?

it wasnt exactly a class taught in school.

how do you do it.

12:34am.

goodnight.

stream of consciousness is something I learned this year in english.

which i currently no longer want to be a TA for due to certain circumstances and I do not think martinez likes me very much. and that makes me sad when I think that she might not like me. but its not like it matters.

but what matters is facebook.

no it really doesnt, who am i kidding. Its great for "keeping in touch" [with who, the people you see most often?] but otherwise ehh. but today everyone was thinking of memories of everyone else and it was just wonderful.

smiles and happy and happy.

but I go onto other blogs and get kinda sad thinking that its so much like a circle it kinda reminds of of that one complicated prom thing that will never be mentioned as long as I can help it. pwaha.

but its nice to just type this out and beause it is o9ne oclock in the morning, I am not really thinking about the concequences this could bring. I mean really, what can someone use this for? blackmail?

I doubt it. my mind may be weird but not silly enough to warrant suficent blackmail material.

but oh my goodness. I get so mad thinking about people some times

and when I think im getting mad I dont want to think about it anymore so issues kinda nerver get solved in my mind.

but yes, I am very tired and I really want to sleep and everyone else at home is already asleep and I am awake because I work on stupid project that freaken pained me to do.

swear swear swear if I do not get help on this I will explode like freaken hiroshima.

history eww. I really do not need so many projects and presentations and experiments. my mind is going numb and Im afraid I cannot stand doing this much longer.

I do miss my happier days where I really didnt have a care in the world and where i was cool with everything and everyone. I dislike disliking things for obvious reasons. I dislike it when stories and twisted into ugly little half truths and it makes me want to punch punch punch like no tomorrow.

now that I think about it, I need to learn my neighbor's name. that will be my goal this summer?

Because I need to gather courage daily to talk to a complete stranger and then release it all in a moment and run away.

oh i know myself really well, thank you.

but yeah. getting later and I swear im starting to see rainbows.

nvm, my color paper just threw up all over my desk.

yay